Ten pounds of titty in a loose brassiere
Your twat a-twitchin like a moose's ear
Ejaculations in my glass of beer
These foolish things remind me of you, Dear.

Naked color photographs of Liberace
The way you say to me "Come lick my crotchy"
Syphilitic scabs that make my face all blotchy
These foolish things remind me of you, Dear.

A pubic hair in my breakfast roll
A bloody Kotex in my toilet bowl
The festic odor of your pink asshole
These foolish things remind me of you, Dear.

An unborn fetus on a marble slab
Erected penis with a broken scab
A sloppy blow job in a taxi cab
These foolish things remind me of you, Dear.

A ring of lipstick 'round an old French letter
You made me use one 'till I knew you better
Each time I piss it stings
These foolish things remind me of you

A book on birth control/with well thumbed pages
a contraceptive with the dust of ages
a bed with creaking springs
these foolish things remind me of you

A leaky pisspot/full of unborn babies
a dreadful itching from these fucking scabies
a wet spot that still clings
these folish things remind me of you

A version of this song which was popular at Kings College London in the mid seventies went as follows:

The tattered edges of an old French Letter,
That dose of syphilis that won't get better,
and how the dettol stings,
these foolish things, remind me of you;

There was the sofa bed, which we kissed on,
your mother's aspidestra which we pissed on,
there'll be no blooms this spring,
these foolish things, remind me of you;

The college party where we both got plastered,
the kitchen table where we made our bastard,
he's reading law at King's,
these foolish things, remind me of you.

Thanks to Keith Templeman for sending this in

Not to be outdone it seems that Queen Mary College, London also had a version:

A dirty sock inside an old French letter,
A dose of syphilis that won't get better,
A nasty rash that stings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

A smold'ring dog end in my sea food platter,
A Vindaloo that makes my backside splatter,
The way a bad egg mings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

A noisy dump that shoots out with a clatter,
The kind of fart that makes my ring piece shatter,
The taste that vomit brings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

A dose of dysent'ry that's quite alarming,
The atmosphere you get from chicken farming,
The final drip that clings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

A pair of kippers in an old sou'wester,
An injury that makes my testes fester,
The way a Chinese sings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

The way cold urine tastes so sodding bitter,
A snake that slithers up my Gary Glitter,
Short farts like sonar pings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

A clitoris that has a nail shoved through it,
The vicar farting as he passed the cruet,
The way soiled underwear clings,
These foolish things remind me of you.

(Thanks to John Rogers for sending this version in)


And another alternative verse

A sweaty sock beside an old french letter
A dose of syphillis that won`t get better
Oh! how the stink of you clings!
These foolish things, remind me of you

Thanks to Dave Bliss for sending it in

Two more verses

That squeaky sofa that we had our shags on,
The swallowed blowjobs when you had the rags on,
Oh how the stench of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you

That pair of Y-fronts with the lipstick traces
The day you caught your left tit in my braces
Oh how the right one swings
These foolish things
Remind me of you

Thanks to John Farrell for sending them in

Another couple of verses:

A sweaty sock beside a used french letter
A dose of syph that never seems to get better
My piss it stings,these foolish things
Remind me of you

A little boy selling the late night final
The stench of stale piss from a mens urinal
My piss it stings, these foolish things
Remind me of you

Thanks to Dave Haskins for sending it in