Diamond Geezer Title

The Harlequins version of Mornington Crescent .... a.k.a. The ticket game
by SleepyHollow

The game is played by one side playing with itself.

The team:
The team needs to comprise of all of the following:

  • Two dozen virtually normal human beings, who all are fundamentally nice people, of varying age and demeanor
  • it helps if at least a third are in various stages of balding
  • a quarter need to be on the "plump" side
    (extra comic potential can be had if the last two groups overlap a little)
  • At least five team members are called Andy.
  • Also at least two other team members are called Chris, of which one has to be absent for the entire game.
  • At least two of the team need to be on a diet
  • At least a third need to be wearing out their livers prematurely.

The location:
A rural pub, preferably with a semi-exotic menu, Ostrich, for example.
You must never be more than 10 minutes from a major traffic jam.

The equipment:
Each member of the team starts with a small card, known as a match day ticket.
No other equipment is required.

Game preparation:
The day before you arrive two members of the team have to give away their tickets. There's no logic or purpose in doing this, they just do it.

How the game is played:
On arrival at the game location all team members not known by at least six other team members are known as Andy for the rest of the game. At least one Andy is obliged to get totally shit-faced before the game ends. Two other team members will have spare tickets. One of these will be the absent Chris, who will be unknown to all other team members, the second spare ticket will be held by a mystery team member. This team member has to act terminally stupid for the duration of the game. The object of the game is for all team members to end up with a ticket and to be sitting next to one of their friends. That's if they have any. Team members are disqualified if they show their ticket to any other team member. It is absolutely forbidden to look at the little map on the other side of the ticket and to pretend that your relatives live near there.
The game will normally be played for about a hour. After thirty minutes the team leader will yell out "Ten more minutes!". They will normally do this at regular intervals at least four times. On departing from the pub you have to take onward one less person than you arrived with.
When stuck in the traffic jam, the team leader is obliged to say something incredulously stupid. Such as "....Does someone have Scotty's number, we can have the start delayed by 15 minutes!". On arrival at the destination, one team member, normally a "Terry", has to say "So there was time for two more pints after!"

One last comment, this isn't a game, it's a true story! (Well true-ish!)