Diamond Geezer Title

The Geezerpedia



A thing of beauty
There are two things that are a thing of beauty according to Mr Mike Scott (Team Manager) one can't be published and the other one is a rolling maul.


A super hero fabled for her colourful attire. No one knows her true identity. Her mortal enemies are Misplaced Apostrophe Man and the One-eyed Not Nots.

The state of wearing the trews (qv).

Binky's Ring
A torus of gargantuan proportions; it is said to be larger than Gomez's and might even be the largest in the world.


Chinese Uncle
An alcoholic drink that is a favourite of the DGs - it is marvellous in that you can continue drinking it after you have already had your fill of bitter, stout etc.

Coat pile
Often found near a group of DGs, somewhere to place one's Mizuno whilst drinking and dancing in a warm bar.


Death Helmet
The second generation Horned Helmet (qv) which resides in the East Stand - it should be classified as a weapon of mass destruction under the Treaty of Rome. Also the person who wears it.

An acronym which can stand for Diamond Geezer or Geezerette so it is the politically correct term for a group of Geezers and Geezerettes.

Diamond Geezer
A betrewsed (qv) individual of the male persuasion, generally a jovial chap with impeccable taste in many things from sporting club, attire, alcoholic beverage etc.

Diamond Geezerette
A betrewsed (qv) individual of the female persuasion, generally a jovial filly with impeccable taste in many things from sporting club, attire, alcoholic beverage etc.

Diamond Gent
A rare individual who is betrewsed (qv) but who wears a club tie &/or blazer.

Diamond Nipper
A betrewsed (qv) individual of either gender below 16 years

Dodgy Barnet
What 'Get your hair cut' Sherriff & Tani Fuga have and Shaggy & Ugo Monye used to have.


57 Old Geezers
Those who run the DGs - a faceless and powerful group thought to be the same as The Illuminati although no proof has ever been found.

Fortress Geezer
That area in the East Stand Bar near the main doors - this region can move northwards a few yards to the dance floor during the evening.


Verb - to geezer - to dance, sing, drink, smile and have a good time.
2. Verb - to geezer (someone) - to give someone a DG Card.

Acronym for the Geezer International Travel Service - the most efficient travel service in the world. They have never been known to lose luggage and are always able to appease foreign governments after DG visits.

Geezerette Baiting
Tthe most dangerous sport known to Geezer, which has been previously compared to prodding a sleeping tiger with a stick. A programme on it will soon to be shown on the Discovery Channel, just after Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter, and Mad Mike, who hand feeds great White Sharks. It is usually practised by Binky and The Professor.

Geezer Field Gun Team
A collection of the fittest of the fit amongst the DGs; they are highly trained at being able to dissemble our wheelies get them through any space and reassemble them on the other side. Their skill levels are much higher than those of the naval bases - they have even been known to fit Lex through a catflap before!

Geezer Stairlift
A collection of the fittest of the fit amongst the DGs; they are highly trained and can even lift RobShew and his wallet up stairs into any bar in the world. It is thought that they train by carrying yaks over high mountain passed in the Himalayan and Kunlun ranges in the off season to help Tibetan nomads.


Horned Helmet
A famous and fabulous piece of head attire worn by a westie that is used to get the DGs chanting and the inhabitants of the West Stand waking up. Also the name of the person who wears it.


A derogatory term for a match official often used in the chants 'The Referee's A Lander', 'Go Home Lander' or simply 'Lander, Lander'.
Also used by gardeners to get the best results in their rose gardens.


The blue Quins rain jacket which is the wet weather DG attire along with the trews - often to be found in a coat pile (qv).

Monastery of Sound
A modern beat DG combo. based upon a complete disregard for tempo and tune based around the leadership of the Horned Helmet (qv).


The adjective used by a Geezer to describe a Geezerette's posterior (if he knows what's good for him).

An incredibly useful piece of attire - it keeps you warm and dry in even the most hostile of environments. It has a Tardis like quality and can cover a single DG but when it comes to fitting it back in its case you'll find it has increased to the size of Wales (it turns out everything is the size of Wales until you measure it properly - it was an idea that Schröedinger came up with)!

Pork Roll
The staple foodstuff of the DGs when lobster is unavailable.

What a DG should have in their team and in their pint glass.

Prof's Chambers
A place of research, study and quiet contemplation; not a doss house for alcoholics.

A rare pre-trews colourful individual.


Smiler Stomp, The
An astonishing celebratory jig that would make Terpsichore herself cry tears of jealousy that she could not perform a dance of such transcendent beauty.

Spreadbury Time
An odd quirk of temporal physics - the time added to the end of the game until the opposition scores enough points to win.

Spreadbury Watch
The only device that can measure Spreadbury Time (qv) they are produced by NASA in association with the Disney Corporation - referees and Mickey Mouse are the only people known to own them.

The perfect adjective to describe the average DG especially Binky.


That vital piece of DG attire - the colourful trousers.